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Thursday, September 24, 2020

Milk Chocolate and Chocolate Milk


With the presidential election just around the corner and the first debate to air next week, the country is in a stir. However, I have heard nothing about the key issues. Here I am defining key issues as "stuff I think about rather than politics." For one, I was completely dumbfounded yesterday when I opened the fridge to make my daughter some chocolate milk. I had one of those "I was this old when I realized" moments. Chocolate milk is really more milk than it is chocolate. I know this, because if I put too much chocolate in the milk my beautiful amazing wife tells me to stop. You would think that since chocolate is the first word, it would be the greater item in the mixture? And make matters worse, milk chocolate is more chocolate than milk?

I told this to my bride. She seemed more concerned about unimportant things like setting the table, closing the fridge, or starting dinner. Trivial matters in the light of my new revelation: The English language is weird.

For instance, I just typed "wierd" and autocorrect reminded me that it is "i" before "e" except after "c" unless it "aye" as in neighbor and weigh. Then there is the word "bow." Is it something you put in your hair, shoot a deer with, or a gesture to the king of England?

This led me to google search "English is hard." Here is what I discovered.

Although my favorite ones to be this one explaining how to spell fish as "ghoti."

So, why is this not a major concern? I've asked persons, mans, womans, childs, and even looked in several  dictionarys. While it appears that you make words plural by the simple addition of "s," it also seems there are many other possibilities.

Which brings me to my point. This next week shall see two intellectual giants take the stage in the first presidential debate. Masters of english parlance, scholars of the spoken word. We should expect diatribes, circumlocutions, palavers, and perhaps even some shakespearean wit. Or perhaps we will be entertained. I for one will try not to snort my milk chocolate. Oh, and I'll also remember to close the fridge.


Joe The Gaffe Biden          Donald "I Know Words" Trump

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