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Driving in Tennessee: Sleeping is the New Texting?

So I get it.  Tennessee has passed a law that as of July 1st, 2019 no one is allowed to have any cellular device in their hand while drivi...

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

3d Printed Chicken and other reasons to stock up on Haggis


 

Yes. It should have been the number one headline. It makes Russiacolusion look like kindergartners fighting over a jump rope. What I am about to tell you should be front of the news cycle. It wasn't, but that is how world domination by robots, terrorist organizations, and solvent green all come to pass. Slowly, the future creeps in one 3D printed chicken nugget at a time.



Yes, you read that correctly. KFC has announced that they will be 3D printing chicken nuggets.

When I heard, I of course suspected what any sensible American would suspect: A mass conspiracy. 

In the article I was sent by an insider in the news industry, which by that I mean he surfs the internet regularly, it clearly states that KFC has partnered with the Bio company 3D BioPrinting Solutions


KFC 3D Printing of Chicken Nuggets


In the article there was a link to the agreement between these two countries. Of course, the link was dead.



Now, you and I both know the link isn't dead. All the post meant is that they are on to me. My name is now on the KFC watch list. Just like Mike Myers was doomed to never make a good film after his declaration that the world was  run by the Rockefellers, the queen of England, and the Colonel.

So I Married an Axe Murder uncovers the KFC as one of the world's elite rulers.

Already being monitored by KFC secret agents, I pressed on. That is how important it is for me to bring you the important news of the day shuffled under the carpet by such things as BLM, elections, hurricanes, and Covid. These are all cover-ups. So I googled this supposed 3D Bioprinting. I learned three things:



1. The head doctor is also able to crush your skull if you cross him.


2. There may be rat parts in their 3D printing. Reminds me of Jurassic Park where they "3D printed" dinosaurs with spare parts from other animals.



3. While it is in Russian, it appears they plan to plant large red butterflies in everyone's esophagus to track and control our brains.


Oh, and just maybe they have mastered genetic bioprinting of vitally needed human organs that could result in surgical breakthroughs. And obviously, once you are done inventing replacement hearts and gallbladders your next quest is... Making 3D printable chicken nuggets.

To quote my source, "The research laboratory in Moscow will use both plant material and chicken cells to advance its additive bioprinting technology and produce a nugget that will closely replicate the taste, texture, and look of KFC’s original nuggets. While live animals will scarcely be used in the process, KFC will supply the lab with its seasoning and breading ingredients to attain the taste loved by so many."

So a non-chicken, chicken nugget. Memphis meats seek to also duplicate other animals. Which leads us to the essential question, "Will I still need my guns if I am hunting 3D printers instead of deer?"


And the answer is, Yes." If movies like Terminator have proven anything, it is we must fight back. Not a fighter? Then I suggest you begin preparing your palette for the rising black market meats such as chicken gizzards, cow tongue, and of course, the ever popular haggis.


What is haggis? Meat scraped off the floor and shoved in a sheep intestine of course. Why will it be the real meat of the future for those of us refusing the Colenal's recipe? Because it is so horrible not even Russian scientists can possible imitate it.



Good luck America. May you resist the addictive chemical in the chicken that makes you crave it nightly.




 

As the world opens back up there are lots of exciting opportunities ahead! I would love any of my readers in particular to join my guest appearance on Spilling Ink and make yourself known in the comment section! I am grateful that they have invited me back for a second podcast!

SPILLING INK: Saturday, October 3rd 6:30 EST!

YouTube

Facebook


I will also be on Going North Podcast on November 2nd, talking about my new release, Twelve Hours on the Block.  Look for a link coming soon!




Later in November, I will also be on WordPlay Podcast and sharing a recipe!




In addition, I am making plans to be at Con Nooga this year! I had opportunity to be at NextChapter Con recently and absolutely loved meeting readers!


I also am excited to have the following reviews posted for Jam Sessions!

INTERVIEW: JAM SESSIONS

Top Shelf 5 star review!



Thursday, September 24, 2020

Milk Chocolate and Chocolate Milk

 

With the presidential election just around the corner and the first debate to air next week, the country is in a stir. However, I have heard nothing about the key issues. Here I am defining key issues as "stuff I think about rather than politics." For one, I was completely dumbfounded yesterday when I opened the fridge to make my daughter some chocolate milk. I had one of those "I was this old when I realized" moments. Chocolate milk is really more milk than it is chocolate. I know this, because if I put too much chocolate in the milk my beautiful amazing wife tells me to stop. You would think that since chocolate is the first word, it would be the greater item in the mixture? And make matters worse, milk chocolate is more chocolate than milk?



I told this to my bride. She seemed more concerned about unimportant things like setting the table, closing the fridge, or starting dinner. Trivial matters in the light of my new revelation: The English language is weird.


For instance, I just typed "wierd" and autocorrect reminded me that it is "i" before "e" except after "c" unless it "aye" as in neighbor and weigh. Then there is the word "bow." Is it something you put in your hair, shoot a deer with, or a gesture to the king of England?

This led me to google search "English is hard." Here is what I discovered.









Although my favorite ones to be this one explaining how to spell fish as "ghoti."



So, why is this not a major concern? I've asked persons, mans, womans, childs, and even looked in several  dictionarys. While it appears that you make words plural by the simple addition of "s," it also seems there are many other possibilities.

Which brings me to my point. This next week shall see two intellectual giants take the stage in the first presidential debate. Masters of english parlance, scholars of the spoken word. We should expect diatribes, circumlocutions, palavers, and perhaps even some shakespearean wit. Or perhaps we will be entertained. I for one will try not to snort my milk chocolate. Oh, and I'll also remember to close the fridge.


PICK YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!

Joe The Gaffe Biden          Donald "I Know Words" Trump




Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Twelve Hours on the Block Release Date!

 

PROMO VIDEO - You know you want to watch it!

Pre-Order Here!!

My novella is being released by Three Ravens Publishing! Super excited to be picked up by their publishing house!


This short novella merges the Aztec creation myth with a prison escape. It was a lot of fun to write as it fed both the nerd (who doesn't love the Aztecs! I mean... human sacrifice, shapeshifters, and cruelty) and the part of me that loves a good adventure (Prison Break was one of my favorite TV shows).


It is available for pre-order now through the launch date of October 1st. Support a local artist for $1 by buying it before it releases!! Then check out the other offerings at Three Ravens.

Three Ravens Publishing





Saturday, September 12, 2020

NextCon table September 19th


Come to my table next week and see my birthday present! Very thankful for my father-in-law who has encouraged me as a writer. For my birthday this week he blessed me with a working Underwood (his last name) typewriter!

 NextCon


I will have a table next week at our local conference promoting local authors. I am super excited to be meeting readers. I will have Jam Sessions for sale as well as a few copies of my short stories in various volumes. 

I started this writing journey almost two years ago. In that time I have met some great people locally. A local web designer who built the web page for Camp Vesper Point (I was a previous director) has given me some advice and encouraged me. He will be there selling his series and is a very accomplished author.


Keith Robinson's webpage


I also was blessed to meet a group of writers in the local area. I was with my son at Chattacon. He was looking at cosplay weapons for a future mandalorian costume. I started to chat with the "Crazy Buffet" group. They began meeting at Ryans before it shut down. Then they met at the japanese "Crazy Buffet." It also closed, but not before they published a short story anthology. When I joined they were meeting at Rib N Loin and I participated in "Crazy Buffet II: The BBQ Edition."


I will have some copies at NextCon. It will include my first published story. It is historical fiction, drawn from my time in Rwanda in the 1990's. I think it is a good piece with a hopeful ending even in the midst of a very difficult historical background.

My friend, Kelle, will be there too and you definitely want to check out her table! She may even have her mannequin!



At NextCon you will also see several of my friends who are part of northwest Georgia's Corner Scribblers. I am published in one of their flash fiction releases and will be in two upcoming releases: Napkin Notes and Bugged Out Babblings (see my other blog post)





Their partner company, Three Ravens Publishing has also picked up my novella: Twelve hours on the Block.  (This is a draft cover and may not be the final)




Finally, I go with the blessing of my family. Since I went home and told them I wanted to start this journey, they have been nothing but supportive. My wife gave me a trip to the Atlanta Writer's Conference this November so I can pitch three of my current unpublished works: a western dystopian (The Ranger Chronicles) , a middle grade fantasy (Freckles: The Dark Wizard), and a young adult twist on King Arthur (Lynchpin Universe: Book 1: The Were Bear."

They are my rock, my encouragers, my cheer team, and my joy. And, if I can say it, my youngest daughter makes one really great homemade birthday cake with my initials!







So, if you have read this far, please come visit Next Chapter Con. It is $7 at the door of the Colonade in Ringgold, GA. There will be a lot of local authors of all genres. It is a great time to encourage your family members to read and support local artists. There will be social distancing and all the appropriate Covid safety measure. If I am not at my table, then I am at one of the two panels they have asked me to participate in. Come see me at the panel or swing back a few minutes later and say hello. Hope to see you there! 


 






Wednesday, September 9, 2020

PROMO VIDEO HERE!

ON SALE STARTING SEPTEMBER 15th!



PROMO VIDEO HERE!


A quirky collection of flash fiction based in the real of Post Apocalyptic fiction with forward by Daniel Humphreys. From the Pollenocalypse to Zombies, you're sure to feel right at home with the end of the world.

Link to Buy on Amazon

And yes, I have a story inside! Support our local writers and have fun reading flash fiction (1000 words or less).


Want longer stories? Three Ravens Publishing is also releasing an anthology this week: Napkin Notes.

I am particularly proud of my story in Napkin Notes. Think it may be the best thing I've published so far, so please buy a copy and check it out! Every story has to start with the scribble on a napkin!







 

Monday, September 7, 2020

REVIEWS on JAM SESSIONS!! Lisa Hasselton And by Literary Titan

 



I was recently interviewed by noted Book Blogger, Lisa Haselton! Read the interview here:

INTERVIEW: JAM SESSIONS

I'm also excited to release my latest review by the well respected LITERARY TITAN.

The review can be found here: 

LITERARY TITAN REVIEW

And here is the text version of the review:

Jam Sessions follows a middle school boy named Phillip who has to forge a new path for himself through a new school that he’s transferred to in the middle of the school year. Phillip struggles with bullies, but finds a creative outlet in Mr. Filter’s class where he starts the day with a writing prompt that sends Phillips imagination soaring. Now, if only he could apply that creativity and passion in his real life.

Jerry Harwood has created a cast of characters that are both easy to dislike and easy to empathize with. Chuck and his friends are easily unlikable and I loved Ashley, Daniel and Jaylan. I really liked all the teachers too, especially the language arts and P.E. teachers. I did feel like Phillips mom should have played a bigger part in the story, but it didn’t hurt the story in any way. From the first time we meet Chuck I thought that he was just a pain in the butt kid who likes to be a bully and embarrass people. Chuck and his gang of hooligans didn’t really evolve much but that honestly worked for the story because they continue to be the fundamental antagonists.

Jerry Harwood does a great job detailing what a panic/anxiety attack feels like, I could almost feel and see Phillip having his attacks. It was great that he found a way to cope with his attacks. Even at the beginning when the author is describing Phillip and his mom running away from home, everything is perfectly detailed. When Phillip is standing in the back of the room on the first day of school, you could feel him praying that he is invisible and then realizing that he really had been during that class because not one person had cared about him being there or noticed his presence. It was sort of sad.

The story flowed easily and was well written. I enjoyed the small cartoon characters at the beginning of each chapter and I liked how short the chapters were. I read the book in one sitting, because it was an enjoyable read and I loved that Phillip was able to turn things around which gave the book a feel good ending.

Pages: 214 | ASIN: B0868XNSH9