I have several friends who seem extremely flustered that their fellow Americans aren't wearing masks. I am not here to promote a political position. But I am here to remind us who we are as Americans.
- We continue to smoke even though we know it will kill us
- We continue to buy SUV's even though we know it kills the planet
- We continue to text while driving even though we know it will kill us and others
- We continue to drink alcohol in large quantities... and then drive cars, boats, planes, and forklifts...
- We legalize marijuana even though we know it statistically increases your chances of contracting schizophrenia
- We eat fast food even though we know cholesterol and grease will... wit for it... kill us
- We give our toddlers phones, tablets, tv's, and any other electronic even though studies show it is not good for them to be so "plugged in."
- We eat three donuts and a cupcake even though we know our diabetes will kill us
- We often refuse to wear sunscreen, even though the sun will kill us
- We keep animals as pets that really just want to kill us
- We defend our rights to carry firearms even though violent crimes... well... you get the point.
So why are we so surprised that when the CDC says, "Wear a mask or people will die," we do things like this?
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Which brings me to my main point: Cops should be allowed to carry paintball guns. Follow me here. We are already encouraging masks. Let's just add on safety glasses. It will stimulate the manufacturing industry, help keep masks on, and provide the needed protection from paintball guns. Then let's issue cops paintball guns.
It opens up a whole new world for social distancing. Hell, we don't ned apps that track where you have been. If a cop sees you in a group of twenty people, he just unloads a bunch of paintball bullets on you. And boom. You are covered in pink dye.
Now, when I see you at the Ace Hardware, I say to myself, "Hey, Joey over there is covered in pink dye. Oh wait, he must have not been practicing social distancing."
And I promise you. If you've ever been hit by those little bullets, you know, people will move out of the way. Cops can break up groups quickly without any need to write citations. Maybe we can even have colors like we do with ribbons. "That guy is pink, he didn't social distance. That guy is blue, he must have parked in two parking spaces. The girl is green, she must have thought the"out of order" sign didn't apply to her." Think about it.
That's all I ask.