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Friday, October 23, 2020

The Last Presidential Debate and Unicorns at Sea


If you are the type of person who likes to say, "There is more chance of that happening than seeing a unicorn at sea," be ready to pony up whatever you wagered. 

I can see the discussion now:

Wife: Are you ever going to clean up your stuff in the basement?

Husband: Why?

Wife: SO we can build it out into a little apartment for family.

Husband: You mean like the kids who are over 18 and should be supporting themselves?

WIfe: And their kids. In case we need to raise our grandkids.

Husband: Yeah, I'll get to that when I see a unicorn saving lost children at sea.

Wife: Perfect, I'll call Junk King and have it cleaned out tomorrow.

Little Girl Lost at Sea Found Floating on a Unicorn

Newsweek only allows you four stories before a paid subscription, so you have to choose them carefully. I always look for cutting edge journalism filled with important issues that impact our daily lives. That is why it was a no brainer to read "Little Girl Lost at Sea Found Floating on a Unicorn."

A ferry (or was it a fairy...?) discovered the four year old drifting out in the middle of the gulf of Corinth. The boat first saw the dot on the horizon. The article is unclear what made them want to approach. I will assume the ferry captain has long desired to discover mythical sea creatures. Perhaps it is the very reason he sought out a career of water navigation.

Either way, the child was saved. Nothing has been said about the inflatable unicorn. Which does raise the question if it was an actual unicorn instead of an inflated raft. We may never know, but I think we have to be open to the possibility there is a covert group of colorful unicorns that scour the ocean to save the helpless and lost. It may be on the level of other famous conspiracies such as Watergate, Russiagate, Doritogate, Gamergate, Pizzagate, Tomatogate, Bingogate, Picklegate, or Lawngate (not as well known but just as important - we must discover what neighbor's dog is depositing its fecal matter on my lawn!).


Which brings us to the real issue of the day, the need for a new environmental plan. Now that we have fairly reliable evidence of mythical rescue animals we should take Joe Biden's initiative to be fossil fuel free by 2025, Well, technically we will just stop fracking... which I am pretty sure is the SyFy chanel's substitute for a curse word... or a type of drilling using lots of water.  Either way, my '99 Ford Ranger is scared. In fact, this morning he had a fresh puddle of oil under him where he had a bit of an accident.

Of course, major businesses will need to spend billions to adjust and many small businesses will simply be unable to complete. That is okay because it will prevent them from having to raise all their employees wages to $15/hour or more. Good news - they will be able to turn in their entrepreneurial dreams for a raised minimum wage with socialized medical care. So that is a nice bonus. According to Biden, they can celebrate this at the dinner table while mourning the loss of a loved one (well... a loved one lost to Covid... not to a drug related crime).

Donald Trump Explains Why Lincoln Succeeded

For some this may be a confusing time and you are looking for someone to blame. I understand.

I would offer Trump who has helped absolutely no one... except maybe my monthly mortgage payment. It is well known that Trump has a bit of diarrhea of the mouth.  Normally he isn't saying much important, but  last night in the final debate he let an important fact slip. It was clear it was an overshare. And more so, a clue that I am sure may be burning up the dark web today: 

Donald Trump named Knight of Camelot by historic hotel | UK | News |  Express.co.uk

"What clue?" you say? Trump may be a reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln. He became quite flummoxed when Biden called him to task about being a King Arthur esque hero of old returned to save or damn us.

Joe Biden is 'basically the Loch Ness Monster' says Donald Trump Jr |  HeraldScotland

Like most conspiracies, we will likely never know for sure. But if you are on the high seas and sea Trump in a tall hat brandishing Excalibur on a colorful unicorn float be sure to document it with a picture. And please, for the love of all things conspiratorial do a better job snapping the picture than the guy who took that picture of Nessy.

Sean Spicer likens Donald Trump to a wondrous mythical creature -  MarketWatch

Donald Trump Jr. shares a bizarre photoshopped image of his father  shirtless carrying a shark | VozWire

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